Anything I Can Do to Help?

       So I get asked this question a lot.  "Anything I can do to help?'  It's sweet and amazing, and usually very welcome.  But, sometimes I am a wee umm,  er, hyperfocused so I cannot get right back to you on that.   So, while I have five minutes I thought I would maybe stop to answer your query.

    Usually, the answer is a resounding yes.  However a more specific answer is little more complicated.   Often, its just get out of the way and pretend you didn't just hear me swear or pretend I do NOT smell like combination of stale coffee and angst.  Also, watch your toes. There is a reason I don't drive a car but no one makes you get a driver's license for a wheelchair so you are all your own safety wise.  (Good luck with that- and don't bother to sue I have no money)  Opening doors and holding elevators is always appreciated.  But beyond simple things like that , there is actually several things you do to help any parent with a sick or disabled child.

      First of all, take a breath, relax and have a little mercy.  I don't know about other parents but you know that day when you just seem to do everything wrong because you're tired and late and in a hurry?  That's my norm.  I am usually sleep deprived and overscheduled.  I can't find my keys, Feisty Pants usually found some new bizarre way to ruin her outfit right before we need to leave for some appointment.  And at any random moment, she can and will decide to bitch up a storm about whatever is bugging her this second and needs to be fixed nownownow.  Please give us a second to deal whatever fire needs to be put out before we can deal with you.  You are probably some one I need to deal with and are probably important but you will not figure out how to escape from your wheelchair or have a shrieking meltdown because I didn't undo your legstrap this second.  Or throw your expensive eyeglasses into traffic because its fun when Mommy says THOSE words.  Or choke and need to be suctioned so you don't stop breathing at random intervals. And btw, sorry if I seem distracted, but I do have one eye and/or ear on her.  The sound of someone stopping breathing is NOT a gurgling choking noise.  The sound of not breathing is silence and I am always always ALWAYS listening for it.  You will never be more important than FP's next breath.  And I am not one damn bit sorry for that either.  (Or as my friends say, "when the Zombies rise,  Mikki's tripping everybody")

          Also, if you really want to help. There are about a gazillion things you can do that won't take up too much time or cost you very much money.  Live near a Ronald McDonald House or something similar?  Drop by a dollar store pick up a few bars of soap or bottles of shampoo, ten pack of razors, a few decks of cards, things like that and go drop them off.  Save the pull tabs from your soda cans and energy drinks and drop them off too. (They recycle them for money.)  Drop off old books or a book of stamps at your nearest hospital or nursing home.  I have a lovely friend (Hi Celtic Pants) who once swung by an ER we were in and dropped off two coffees and a couple of cheeseburgers to my husband and I before disappearing in cloud of thoughtfulness like a grown up's fairy godmother.  You don't need to be a millionaire or a genius or a saint to make a difference.  A little imagination and some patience will do wonders.