Father's Day, take one

                 Okay, so fair's fair.  I did three posts for Mother's Day.  It's only fair that I do three posts about fun, diy type gifts for Father's Day.   So, stop reading this NOW Goo, or at least act surprised on Father's Day if you don't.   We don't want any repeats of the great five year old Hippie Pants Christmas Fiasco, now do we?!? (Goo asked HP what she got him for Christmas when she was five.  She told him.  Then cried for two hours because "he spoiled it.")   Anyways, these should be fun to do and relatively easy. 

 

1) Cookie Pizza- easy to do, fun for the kids, a real tried and true favorite.  If you have never made one, this is what you need.

Cookie dough (mix, homemade, or premade dough in a tube, whichever)  chocolate chip or sugar cookie works for this. (Although, who are we kidding, dad wants chocolate chip and we all know it) -for the crust

Nutella  OR one 8oz pkg cream cheese (softened) and a small jar of marshmallow fluff mixed.-for the "sauce"

Berries and/or candies and any kind. -for the toppings

Simply bake the cookie dough in a pizza pan (like you would bar cookies).  When cool, spread the sauce over the crust.  Sprinkle very liberally with assorted berries, sliced strawberries, m &m's, or what ever floats your boat.  The kiddoes could even spell out a message or Dad's name if they like. 

 

2)Peanut Butter Balls-  you will have to melt chocolate for this, but otherwise easy peasy.

You will need equal parts peanut butter and rice krispies (start with a cup of each and see how many you want make), and chocolate chips to melt.    

Simply mix together the peanut butter and rice krispies and roll into small balls .  Chill the balls in the fridge.   Melt the chocolate in a double boiler and dip the balls to coat.  Chill again.  These set up best on a cookie sheet lined with waxed paper. 

 

3)Strawberry shortcake ice cream.  We make our own ice cream here in Feisty Pants Land. (No additives we don't know about that way.) Feisty Pants came up with this flavor herself so she insisted we include it on this list.  You do NOT need an ice cream maker for this recipe so anyone can do it.  Serve a scoop or two on top of a piece of pound cake w/ some chocolate syrup and you will look like an effing genius.  You don't have to tell anyone it was this easy. You will need:

1 can (about 14 oz) sweetened condensed milk

1 pint heavy whipping cream

1 cup (or more if you like) fresh strawberries sliced

1/2 bag chocolate chips

2 tsp vanilla (real NOT imitation)

Pour  the condensed milk into a freezer safe container.  Stir in the vanilla.  Add the strawberries and chocolate chips.   In a separate bowl, whip the cream .  (This works best, if you ALMOST over whip it. You don't want butter, but you do want to flirt with the idea)  Fold (don't overstir) the whipped cream into the condensed milk and freeze until firm. 

 

Not bragging, but I can get Goo to clean gutters for these desserts, so you should be able to make your goo feel pretty good on his special day.

 

 

Defiance

                 Sigh...   It's been a long week or two.   I've been going a few rounds with the universe it seems.  Cannot seem to get the right people to take my kid's education seriously no matter how politely I yell, um errr, explain things.  Found out that human beings are annoyingly human and therefore will not always do the right thing.  Or even the grown up thing.  The very idea of women as being equals seems to be appallingly more rare these days. The construction on 17 is back in full swing and right outside my house. (Today's flavor of chaos? Some damn piece of construction equipment that beeped. LOUDLY. For four hours straight. Starting at 6:30 am)  It's getting too warm for my comfort level and Feisty Pants has declared war on clothing.  Especially pants.  She even has own protest chant to shout at the man."No go? No clothes!!!!"  

                So, I will fall back on one of  my favorite ways of coping.  Today's answer to chaos?  Various pieces of internet awesomeness that make the world seem nicer somehow.  I thought for today's post I would share some links for those times when you need your own pep talk.  I suggest you mix these liberally with good chocolate and cups of your favorite tea. And repeat until you longer want to bang your head on your computer desk.  You probably already know them, but if you don't,  run don't walk.  

                       

                  Epic Rap Battles of History- Literate, smart and profanely funny.  (Seriously, NSFW, unless your workplace is very casual with swearing. )  They go from quoting Dickens to drop an f-bomb  like a race car going from 0 to 60.  Still, they are funny and addictive.  You will be sending these to your grown up friends.

Epic Rap Battles of History

 

                 Sassy Gay Friend- Incredibly sweet and wickedly funny.  (The Othello one is a personal fave.) Some language, but not too r rated more pg-13. " The world would be a better place if everyone had a sassy gay friend"

Sassy Gay Friend

 

                  Texts from Dog- Simple tumblr of someone receiving texts from their dog.  Laugh out loud funny.  Put the tea down before reading or you will be cleaning your monitor.

Text from Dog

 

                  Kid President-  this kid is awesome.  Rated g.  Sweet and funny. Wise and witty.

Kid President

 

 

                So, there you go.  I feel better just listing what makes me laugh.  Hope these make you day brighter too.  If they don't, you can always refuse to wear pants and stage a protest with Feisty Pants.  "No go? No clothes! No go? No clothes! No go? No clothes!"

 

 

Now who's causing the drama???

           Sigh.....   So now there may be some more drama at school.  This time it's all my fault.   Don't misunderstand me.   I am right in what I am doing.  I just wish people were not so busy playing cya and/or defendng their turf to just get things done.   But I get ahead of myself.  

                You see, the problem is this.  The school bus picks Feisty Pants up from school half an hour early.  Which is reprehensible.   Not to mention illegal.  New York State mandates a six hours per day of instruction.  (At FP's school even lunch counts as intruction- they incorporate therapy into lunch so that's fair.) Her day is scheduled to run from 8:30 to 2:30.  She is usually home by 2:20.    That's NOT fair. That's awful.  This kind of playing fast and loose with the what the kids get vs what the kids are supposed to get is common in Special Ed.   And always always ALWAYS terrible.   But we parents tolerate it a lot because: we are not sure of our rights, we always ask for a million exceptions to the rules so it seems like we should "play ball", they just don't listen when we bitch anyway.  But this is making me crazy.   Feisty Pants is starting to do really well in school.  I don't want anything- especially nonsense like this detracting from what progress she can make.   And thanks to the Affordable Care Act, my daughter has a shot at a real life.  You see by eliminating pre-existing conditions, eventually she will be able to buy her own insurance.  That means she doesn't have to live in poverty in order to be eligible for insurance.  Insurance that, make no mistake, she would die without having. 

                 Education is the key to this life.  It will mean the difference between a life of poverty and life of tax paying.   Between dependence and independence.  Between surviving and thriving.  But- and this is a huge terrible awful no good but, people tend to dismiss the disabled as unable.  There is this horrible passive aggressive bigotry that drives me right up the effing wall. ("Poor thing, what's wrong with her?")  And pervades so much of any disabled person's life.  This attitude is to not expect anything from the disabled.  To not worry about their wishes and desires.  To never ever think they might have aspirations or ambitions.  I mean, it's not like they are real thinking people with wishes and desires of their own.  They are not really like US, the poor things.  Honestly, every special needs child should come with a automatic bail fund for the parents.  When this attitude pervades the school system, I will grow fangs and howl at the moon.  I will even pat myself on the back whilst doing it.

                    And ever since Feisty Pants started regular school (as opposed to preschool), there has been this fast and loose play with her bus schedule.  At first, I didn't say much. I had bigger fish to fry.  But now, we have a good placement that is working.  Now's the time to fry this fish.  I have bitched and bitched until I am blue in the face.  Everyone I have spoken to has been polite.  And ineffective.  Now, I get LOUDER (metaphorically, yelling helps nobody, yet) and more creative.  Local bus company doesn't listen? I will write to the national hq for said company.  People call? I will not talk in response but only email so I have a paper trail.  And I cc everyone I can think of, so a) no one can hide in the shadows and b) I become an equal opportunity pain in the ass.  If necessary, I will go to the state.  This is illegal, after all. 

                   The only thing is, everyone seems to want play "It's not my fault. It's theirs".  Or protect their turf from the interloper who seems to have an opinion on how they do their job.  But I don't really care who's fault it is. I don't want a pound of flesh.  I want a successful education for my kid.  And I don't want to intrude on someone's turf.  I got enough territory of my own thanks.  I'm not doing this because I'm bored or just want to throw my weight around.  I am too busy and too tired.  Just do right by my kid and we'll get along swimmingly.  I know you are not trying to screw over little kids.  You are suffering from institutional thinking.  You think the job (of getting the kids home safe and sound) is simply being done efficiently.  But you are short changing the kids from getting all the instruction and therapy time. And that's just wrong. Morally, physically, and legally wrong.

Bugging Off

          So now  the weather is nicer.  (Or so everyone keeps telling me.   I thought it was nice when it snowed but you people are all  fickle.)  But since it is warmer and Feisty Pants is dying to be out on her bike or, at least rolling around touching bugs and whatnot, I thought I would post some all natural diy bug repellant recipes.   For some reason, bugs like me.  Or at least, they like to bite on me.   Hippie Pants too.  I think Feisty Pants and the bugs have an understanding, but with her asthma I'm not going to push my luck.  And since she does have asthma, I don't want bomb her with chemicals, either.   We've tried Avon's skin so soft, which smells yummy, but while it worked for FP it did not work on Hippie Pants or me.   And so we stick to these recipes.

             

           1) Easy Peasy- no work involved.   It sometimes works, sometimes does not. (My guess it doesn't work after dusk when all the bugs seem to be at their hungriest)  Simply stick a few bounce dryer sheets (new, not used) in your belt loops.  Bounce uses oleander to scent their products.  Oleander is a natural bug repellant.  It's not perfect but its quick and easy, and will help in a pinch.  You can even rub your dogs (not cats) with one to try help them too.

 

          2) All natural bug repellant oil- these smell yummy and are good for the skin. Basically you will need a carrier oil and essential oils. 

 Take 3-4 ounces carrier oil (sweet almond or jojoba work best as they are not too greasy and absorb quickly into the skin)

Add the essential oils and mix well.  Apply to bare skin when needed.

For the essntial oils-  try the following combos:

25 drops rosemary

15 drops cinnamon

6 drops cedarwood.

 

or: 25 drops lemongrass

      12 drop eucalyptus

      5 drops citronells

 

or:25 drops lavender

      25 drops lemongrass

 

or even:25 drops geranium

 

You can play around with these a bit and see which combinations work best ( and smell best).  Go easy on the cinnamon oil though. It can burn skin if too high a concentration (like pepper spray).  You can always add mint to any of these too.

 

 

3) Bug Spray- You will need water, witch hazel (or rubbing alcohol) and essential oils.  Fill an eight ounce spray bottle half full with water.  Add witch hazel until almost full.  Add 30-50 drops of essential oils (try the combinations above) and mix well.

 

Hopefully, these will work well for you without making you smell awful or poisoning you with chemicals.

Happy bike riding and bug hunting!

 

In Gratitude

          Well, today has been an absolute misery of a morning.  Feisty Pants was bossy.   Goo was cranky.  We walked to the grocery store today.  Normally, I like the walk.  When we left this morning, it was misty and rainy but nice.  By the time we got there, 45 minutes or so later, it had dropped 15 degrees and was so wet and windy I expect an ark to float by any second.  And the very lovely human being who intentionally drove through a puddle to splash us did not help.  (What kind of petty, small person delights in that anyway?  How sad and dark is your life that you need that kind of twisted vengeance on a random victim to make you smile?)  We left a trail of water the first aisle we walked down at the store.   And then came home to find that Cheweverything Pants had done just that.  To our refrigerator cord. Sigh......

          So nothing for it then, but to defy it all.   To hell with the rain and wind.  Fie (and shame) upon the fool who had to be petty and mean. To heck with cords that aren't made to be chew proof.  I am gonna make this post about more things  am grateful for today.  If only to prove to the universe, that meanness and sadness ain't the boss of me.  Nanny nanny boo boo. 

            First things first, thank you so much lovely friend (May I call you Lovely Pants?) who gave us a ride home today.  It was heavenly to not walk home today.  You even turned on (and then turned up) the heat when we  described our walk.  For every meanie out there, someone kind and caring like you turns up to show the Universe may be well thought out after all. A lesson I needed today. Thank you.

          Thank you, Hippie Pants.  You came over to check on the chew monster because you know she is afraid when alone and found the refrigerator problem early enough to warn us we might need parts before we left the store.  Which we did.  And because of you, we did not have to walk back to the store and be miserable all over again.  Your timing was perfect. Thanks.

          Thank you, FP's service coordinator.   (For the uninitiated, that's a person whose job is to oversee the coordination all the various services a disabled person needs.)   You are new to us.   I forget if we are on number four or perhaps five.  But every single one has been awesome and kind and worked very hard at the job.   I don't why haven't had any reason to complain (maybe the job attracts a certain personality?) but you sure have kept our lucky streak going and we appreciate it.   Thank you especially for helping us arrange for a folding special needs stroller so we can have a much easier time getting to various appointments without having to haul her big and very heavy wheelchair.  That is huge burden literally lifted right off our backs.

           And finally (for the moment), thank you to whomever invented chai tea.  I don't know which anonymous Indian (I assume) genius first discovered this glittering gem of an idea but you must have been divinely inspired somehow. And after this morning's wet and cold misery, the cup of chai I am sipping as I type this makes this day so much more civilized and bearable.   You have truly done the world a service. Thanks.   And thank you all for reading this.

            

Some things my kid's have taught me

          Since it was Mother's Day this weekend, I thought I would make this post about things my kids have taught me.  No, I don't mean all those unconditional love lessons, that mushy "oh, look at watching my babies grow up- sigh" emotionally overwrought type of crap.  EWWW.  Ick. You want that kind of sentimentality, Goo will have to write a blog.  Or Hippie Pants.  They're the mushy ones in this tribe.   Feisty Pants and I are too busy scouring the interwebs looking for definitive proof of bigfoot to be bothered with all that.  I mean the odd things you never notice until you see through someone else's eyes.       

             1) Men are MUCH more sentimental then women.   I grew up with two brothers and a sister, so I always suspected this.   After watching Goo with his daughters, I am certain.  For years, he couldn't be in the same room when Feisty Pants got an iv.  He just couldn't watch her cry and get stuck And this a guy with a handful of tattoos.  He also will practically freak out when his girls cry.  Seriously. 

            2) Siblings do really have their own language.  FP has a hard time making her body obey her.  Talking is no exception.  She tends to use certain words for multiple uses. Words like thing, her, go, now all have multiple meanings.  If you are around her enough you start to understand. We call it learning to speak Feisty. But even now, Goo and I sometimes don't get it.  Hippie Pants ALWAYS gets it, always did.  I've seen FP get very angry because we did not understand the sentence "Go the thing with the thing"    HP walks in the house hears it once with any context, and hands FP the exact item she wanted.  Amazes me every time.    

            3)  Kids are truly weird.    I realize that on some level we are freaks.  Kids, however, raise quirky to an art.  HP chewed her nails, her toenails, until she was four.  And talked to the "elves in the woods".      FP wants to be a werewolf.   And is obsessed with documentaries.  It's not just my kids, either. Every parent has some crazy story.     I knew someone whose child decided he wanted to grow up to be a lion. (She did tell him he could be anything.)

           4) Much of being a parent consists of mind numbing drudgery. Diapers, dishes, pet messes, laundry and dealing with lots of tantrums and whining (and not just from the kids).  You don't get paid, never get a day off,  and no one respects how hard you work.  Funny enough- you won't mind.

           5) The bestest part of being a parent? Sometimes its fun.  All those amazing toys you had as a kid.  All those toys you wish they had when you were a kid.  Now, you get to play with them all over again.  And call it quality time and act like you're just doing it for the kids.  (You awesome parent, you!)

             I am curious.  What's the most interesting thing you've learned?

Mother's Day Ideas, take three

       For my third Mother's Day diy post, I wanted to get to those fun, arts and crafts ideas for kids to make for their moms.   You know, those awesomely fun projects that give such a sense of pride to kids and that Moms love (even when they kinda don't want another macaroni necklace).  Hopefully these ones will be more useful and/or pretty.  No macaroni needed, I promise.

 

1)T-shirt scarf- this one can be as simple or complex as you like which makes it adaptable for kids of any age.  Basically you need- an old t-shirt (the bigger the better), scissors, needle and thread (optional) and something to use as dye(more on that in a moment).

 

What you want is a loop of fabric.  Younger kids can simply (with help if necessary) cut a four or five inch band off the bottom of the shirt.  Older kids can cut a four inch wide strip in a spiral pattern from the bottom to armpits and sew the ends together to get a much bigger loop. (These are called infinity scarves, btw, Dads)

Take the loop of fabric and get all artsy on it.  Magic Markers (NOT the washable kind),fabric pens/paints, Sharpies.  Let the kids go to town.  Have them draw their little hearts out. Write down fun haikus about mom. Draw pictures of what you like about her. You can even dye the fabric before hand with coffee or tea (herbal teas give very pretty earthy colors- try red zinger for something other than browns and beiges)  Dry in the dryer for a few minutes to set.  These get more charming and treasured as the kids get older.

 

 

2)Crafty bird feeders- These are fab for little ones. Not your typical bird feeders.  These are somewhat temporary and awesome as the birds can use them when they are empty to build their nests. ( A mother's day present for all kinds of moms.) You will need; cheerios, pipe cleaners, raffia or twine.

 

Bend the pipe cleaners into an interesting shape. Circles, oval, hearts (especially cute), etc. But don't hook the ends (yet).  String cheerios on the pipe cleaners, then hook them into a chain.  (Remember the old paper chains at Christmas time?)  Half a dozen or so should work.  Then make a long loop from twine to hang with.  Sweet and charming, just like your little angels.

 

3) Record bowls - these are better for older kids. They are retro cool but involve the oven and the somewhat melting of vinyl.  You will need old records (lps are better for this). Try hitting up your favorite thrift store.  Scratched are best because then no hipster will magically appear and freak out.  You will also need a cookie sheet, an oven safe bowl, and of course your oven.

 

First things first, open a window and turn on your exhaust fan. You will be partially melting vinyl. Preheat oven to 200 degrees.   Then place the bowl upside down on the cookie sheet.  Place the record on top.  Slide the cookie sheet into oven. Don't go anywhere- stick around to monitor progress.  Once the sides of the record start to droop (about 8 minutes or so), give it another minute and remove to cool.   These cool quickly and make great free form catch all bowls.

 

I hope these posts help make an awesome Mother's Day and some fun memories.  Happy Mother's Day.

 

Mother's Day Ideas, take two

         So, for my second mother's day post, I thought I would list a few ideas for homemade bath and body gifts.   Don't get me wrong.  I am allll for those fun arts and crafts type gifts. In fact that will probably be my next post.  (Short of someone or something in Feisty Pants' universe getting right on my last nerve.   Of course.)   But I just kinda thought it would fun to put up some diy all natural homemade handy dandy bath and body type gifts.   I don't know about moms who have sons, but at a certain age girls seem to become obsessed with girly, glittery bath stuff.  I just thought it some kids may like being able to make some for their mom.  These ideas are all natural, no horrible chemicals or additives, and hopefully will not smell like it was used to "freshen" the air in a cheap motel room. (Hippie Pants went through a stage about six or seven where quality was judged by exactly how much smell could contained in the package.)

 

Massage/Body Oil- this one is simple and if accompanied  by an offer to use for a foot rub (you listening, Dads???) makes for a very happy mom.  You will need:

A bottle- small like the kind you get for travel supplies easily found at your nearest  Kmart, Walmart, S-mart (watch for Deadites)

Enough oil to fill bottle almost full- sweet almond or grape seed works well, but so will olive (evoo).

1 tsp (or more if bottle is over four ounces) of pure vanilla.

1/2 tsp essential oil in any scent mom likes- lavender, orange, peppermint, lemon all would work well with the vanilla

  Simply put the vanilla and essential oil in bottle. Finish  filling  with the carrier oil.  Cap and shake well.  Add a pretty ribbon and voila!

 

Brown Sugar Scrub- even simpler.  (I LIKE easy peasy)  You will need.

Pretty Jar- a jelly type jar works great for this.  It will need to hold about 12 oz.

1 cup dark brown sugar

1/2 cup olive oil (evoo) or sweet almond oil (you also add the contents of a vitamin e capsule if you want)

2 TBS honey

2 Tsp pure vanilla.

Simply mix in bowl and add to jar.  

 

Hippie Pants'  Homemade Spa Heating Pads-  Hippie Pants went through this sewing phase as a teen.  One year she made these to give out as Christmas presents to every female she knew.  People still ask her for new ones.  You will need:

A cute knee sock-  (You can find adorable ones if you look.  Make two, one for mom and one for grandma....  Hippie Pants wears unmatched socks so she always has extras.)

Needle and thread

Uncooked Rice- cheap white rice.

Bulk herbs- lavender, chamomile, rose petals, anything that smells yummy in the bulk section of a health food store or the bulk section of the organic aisle at your grocery.

Simply fill the sock half full of rice.  THEN dump the rice into a bowl.  Add enough herbs to equal half the amount of rice and mix.  Fill the  sock (should be about 3/4 full) and sew the open end shut.

To use, you simply microwave for about 30 seconds at a time until warm and use as a heating pad.  Its awesome and relaxing.

 

So these should easy and fun, smell great to Mom, and the kids will learn they can make awesome things wthout spending all their allowance at the store. 

Mother's Day Ideas, take one

                Psssst, pssst, hey kids.  With Mother's Day right around the corner, I thought I would dedicate this week's posts to easy ideas for diy gifts.  (Totally NOT a hint or anything, Hippie Pants.)  So, first things first, if your mom is all tired of those diamond tiaras and rubies and maserati's, how about some easy, yummy treats?  These are easy, look cool and are very yummy. They are especially delicious because Mother's Day treats don't have calories for moms.  At least, not in my universe.

 

DIY kid friendly truffles-  You will need:

  one package of store bought cookies (sandwich cookies are great for this but really any will work)

 2 pkgs (8 oz each) cream cheese or neufchatel, softened.

 2 bags chocolate chips (dark is awesome, but any will do)

 

Crush the cookies with a rolling pin or potato masher.  Mix the crumbs with the softened cream cheese and roll into small balls .  Place in refrigerator to chill.  (Or freeze if you are in a hurry)

Have an adult melt the chocolate chips (double boiler works better, Dads) then roll the balls in the chocolate to coat. Refrigerate until set.  Easy peasy and awesome.

 

 

Strawberry lollipops-  you will need:

 strawberries

long lollipop sticks or bamboo bbq skewers

 chocolate magic shell (you know, like you put on ice cream.) Note: you can use melted chocolate but magic shell works well and no stove is needed then.

 

Simply chill the strawberries, place onto skewers like a lollipop then coat with magic shell.  After its set, you can arrange the lollipops in a vase like flowers.   This one is actually pretty easy and very impressive.

 

 

Homemade ice cream sandwiches- this one is a hit anytime, but use the more grown up versions of cookies and ice cream flavors and it becomes something special.

   You will need:

 pre made cookies- any, but for Mom, I suggest Milanos or Mint Milanos (You can even make your own if you are really picky/adventurous.) 

1 container ice cream, softened.  Try a flavor that suits the cookies, vanilla for ginger snaps,chocolate for mint milanos, coffee for Milanos, etc.

 

Simply place a small scoop of ice cream between two cookies and freeze until firm.  This is really easy, but the genius is in the flavor combinations.  Cohcolate cip cookies/strawberry ice cream, Vanilla cookies- peach ice cream.  The sky's the limit here.

 

Make these for Mom and make sure to clean the kitchen afterwards and your mom will think you're a genius.  Even more than she already does now.