For Caregivers-
1) DO. WHAT. MAKES. YOU. SANE. NOW, REPEAT AFTER ME- DO. WHAT. MAKES. YOU. SANE. (I even submitted this one to the nice news lady.) It's your damn holiday and caregiving is hard. Love, love, love the holidays? Put up your tree- or four- sing carols, hang ALL the lights- in July. Make all the foods. Or not. Have a potluck so you only have to cook a little. Turn off all the lights and pretend it's not a holiday. Have pizza or Chinese food. You do you and don't apologize one bit to anybody looking in from the outside. Are they getting up and helping do meds or clean messes at three am? Are they helping you schlepp Grandma to the yet another doctor appointment? No? Then they don't get to make the rules. We're obnoxious about holidays in Feisty Pants Land. Our Dear Leader likes twinkling lights and holiday specials. Halloween starts on Labor Day. Christmas Carols begin at midnight November first by royal fiat. Our tree is up usually by Veteran's Day. Complain and we will put up one MORE string of lights and post a sign naming them in your honor. Complain twice and it's off to holiday re-education camp for you with enforced jolliness and nonstop Hallmark movies.
2) Say yes to the party- at least try to go. It will help to get out of the house once in a while. And make it a provisional yes. If it doesn't work- go back home and DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. You tried. It counts. (see number one)
3) Find the easy way to do everything. You are not Martha Stewart or whatever Food Network star you admire at the holidays. Buy the premade gingerbread house you just have to put together. Use premade cookie dough. Go out to eat. Buy the dinner premade. Order all your gifts online and let the post man deliver them. Make the holiday fit your budget for both money and time. If anyone complains stick a store bought cookie in their cookie hole so fast their head spins.
4) Lighten up on yourself. You're dancing as fast as you can. Anytime you're overwhelmed, eat a cookie and see rule number one.
For everybody else-
1) Ask before you buy. Feisty Pants has about a trillion stuffed animals. And probably should not have any. But here comes Christmas so she will get at least four more. Sigh. I get it She's fun sized and adorable and evokes soft, fuzzy feelings in people. So they want to give her soft, fuzzy things. But they are not good for people with lung issues. I have given away hefty bags full of them. And she is first and foremost, a teenager who wants hair dye and movie tickets and make up and to go bowling and to hold hands with cute boys. Ask me what she (or what any disabled person) could use. We will tell you.
2) Invite us to the parties. We will probably say no. But not being included feels like being forgotten to some folks. So ask anyway even if it's only a formality.
3) Really, really, really wanna help? Do something we never have time for. Sit in our living room and keep Grandma company so we can take a shower or a nap. Help shovel the walk or mow the lawn. Drop by with cookies or help string lights on the porch. Stick a ready made meal that only needs to be popped in the oven in our freezer.
So, there you go. There's my suggestions. I hope they help. If all else fails, go back to rule one.
