Beating the heat, and bugs, and booboos, etc. (take one)

                   I thought I would make this post about simple diy fixes for everyday summer ailments.  (Maybe the next couple of posts, depending on how many idea I come up with/steal liberally from the interwebs.)   I got the idea because Feisty Pants was helping her father with yard today and got a little over heated.  (Read that as pointing to various parts of the yard and yelling, "Goo, you missed a spot!" while laughing at her own joke)  So we came in and turned on the a/c  and got a cool cloth.   And then the tylenol for the heat headache as we didn't quite get her cooled down quick enough.  The heat is NOT her friend.  So she's currently chillaxin' on the couch with Goo and I now have an idea for this post.  And probably several more because, while we should be the kind of organized parents who proactively take care to make our complicated life run smoothly, we are actually the kind of parents who end up knowing the poison control center's phone number by heart.  (Hippie Pants as a toddler thought every flower and tree was edible.  And she could run faster than me.)

                    So why don't I start off with what seems to be the most common summer bummer and list some easy and helpful sunburn remedies?  Here are the ones that everybody I know swears by.

1) White Vinegar- I swear that white vinegar is proof that the Universe loves us and does not want us to use nasty chemicals  that do horrible things to our endocrine systems.  It's non toxic. You can clean with it.  It deodorizes anything.  And it's a great addition to a home remedy kit. (Heck in a pinch you can spray it on a salad or make pickles.)  In the case of sunburn, try diluting with water (half and half) and put it a spray bottle and mist yourself.  You can even freeze into ice cubes and rub (carefully) over tender burned skin.  Or add a cup of vinegar to a tub of water (lukewarm) and soak.

 

2)Cucumbers- for a small burn (say the apples of your cheeks) simply cool, slice and apply.  I've heard a few people have pureed it and blended with water and applied directly to skin for larger areas.

 

3)Plain yogurt- simply apply yogurt to skin.  Allow to sit for a few minutes, rinse off in a cool shower. Dry GENTLY.

 

4)Tea bags- either cool used tea bags and apply directly to skin for small burns (eyes, cheeks) or steep a strong tea and pour into a spray bottle to mist skin.

 

5)Lettuce leaves- boil lettuce leaves in water, strain, and cool liquid in your fridge.  Use a cloth to gently apply to burned skin (or even use in a compress)

 

6)Oatmeal- this works for all kinds of skin issues, not just sunburns.  Place dry oatmeal in cheesecloth or gauze (personally I used old pantyhose) tie shut and toss into tub for a skin soothing bath.  You can even use oatmeal in a cheesecloth and soaked in water as a compress.

 

7)Witch Hazel- soak a towel in witch hazel and use as a compress.

8)Baking Soda- add a cup or two to a tepid bath and soak.  The trick with this one is to NOT dry off when you get out but let the water dry naturally on your skin.  

 

With any of these you can add some aspirin or tylenol to ease swelling and pain and drink LOTS of water as sunburns are dehydrating.  Stay cool.  

Adaptive Parkour?

       Well, American Ninja Warrior is back on so Feisty Pants is thrilled. In case you don't watch, its a show about athletes running an extreme obstacle course based on a Japanese game show.  She likes the show almost as much as she liked the original Japanese version. That show absolutely fascinates her.   She could watch/listen to it for hours.  We never really were sure why.   It's in Japanese with subtitles which I don't think she could read (subtitles move too fast).  But who am I kidding, Feisty Pants is quirky bundle of awesome paradoxes.  For all we can tell, she could understand Japanese.  She certainly loves when people prat fall into mud puddles so the show is a hit with her all around.

           But now she watches in English so she can hear what's going on.   So she hears a lot about parkour.  (The free runners tend to do well.)  And soooo last night when they announced a contestant was a parkour instructor, she asked if she could take parkour classes.   Ponder that.  The kid who cannot stand or even sit unaided wants to go free running.  No way in hell do I EVER want to tell her she cannot.  I want her to expect miracles from and for herself.  I grew up with disabled siblings.  My family has quite a history of defying people's (especially medical type people's) expectations.  Mostly because we are stubborn and, to be honest, a little pushy.  We just see those qualities as virtues not vices. And it all starts with thinking "why the heck not?"   My mother once told me that when my sister was born with Down Syndrome (in '59), she went to doctor after doctor seeking a better answer than institutionalization or a shrug of the shoulders.  (It really was the dark ages for disabled children.) Finally a doctor told her," Don't lower your expectations.  If you expect a two year old to pick up their toys, then your two year old should pick up her toys.  It's your job to figure out HOW."

            But I cannot think of anyone who teaches a class like that who would want liability of teaching anyone, let alone a child, with Amara's level of disability. I can only imagine how much such an instructor would cost- it would have to be one on one or maybe even two on one instruction.   But again, no way in hell am I willing to simply tell her no.  I want her to shoot for the moon.  And even occasionally fail .  And then pick herself back up, dust herself off, and try again. And again.  And again, if necessary. 

             I want my very vulnerable youngest child to know, down in the very fiber of her being, in the very  marrow of her bones that she can do any damn fool thing she has set her mind on. Even something as stupid as jumping off buildings for the hell of it. Heck, she has already looked death in the eye and it blinked first. But how on earth do I figure out this version of how?

Fun in the Sun

                    No matter how much I bitch and whine, summer has officially arrived.  No amount of kvetching on my part is going to change that.  Sunshine, starry nights,  and warm, lazy days are here to stay.  So, I will just have to suck it up and have some fun with Feisy Pants and Dinky Pants and Cheweverything Pants in the sunshine.   So I thought I would make this post about some diy sunscreen .   Store bought ones are fine, unless you don't like endocrine disrupters, which I don't.  So we will try to diy it this summer.  

                    On caveat though, I don't use any on me.  I'm part Native American (and only heaven knows what else).  I simply don't burn.  Ever.  (I'm best described as vaguely ethnic) So I don't personally use it on me.  Hippie Pants, however takes after her father (Goo is a paleface.)  So she does burn.  Feisty Pants is somewhere in between.  She rarely burns.  I mention this to explain that we are a bit cavalier and slapdash about sun protection.  But we are not fools and do take some precaution with the kids.

                        The following are recipes that work for us.  But we are not vampires  or Celts, so take whatever precautions you may need based on your skin type.

 

1) The uber simple approach- simply wear light colored sleeved shirts and hats.  Stay out of the sun between 11am- 2pm.  Easy, sensible, and impossible to really do with kids.

 

2)Another simple approach -

           with a low spf- Use coconut oil.  It has a natural spf of 4-6.  Virgin coconut oil smells awesome but if you don't like the scent of coconut use refined coconut oil which has no scent.

            with a higher spf- Use carrot seed oil. It has a natural spf of 35-40.

 

3)Sunblock lotion- 20spf

     Melt together the following:  (Many sites suggest putting all the ingredients in a mason jar and place in a pot of water on the stove over low heat to melt)

4 oz Shea Butter

4 oz Coconut Oil

When melted remove from heat stir in 2 oz zinc oxide and 15 drops tea tree oil.

Cool completely before use.

  

Enjoy the sun, enjoy your summer.  May your days be whine free and your nights full of fireflies.

                 

Summertime blues- no- FUN, fun, I mean fun

              Well, there is no denying it.  It's summer. It's waaaayyyyy too hot for my comfort zone. There is strange yellow ball of fire in the sky. Birds are singing and people are annoying cheerful.  School is almost on break. (AHHHHHHHH)  Feisty pants goes year round but will have two weeks at either end of her summer session for vacation.  Normally I am a big proponent of vacations and kids getting bored (seriously- that's how they get creative) but she can't do everything for herself when she is so I have to get creative for her.  Sooooo, these next few weeks will be full of posts of me trying desperately to come up with things to keep her occupied.  Interwebs don't fail me now.

                 In that line of thinking, here are three quick recipes for activities I fall back on lot.  Bubbles, glitter things and paint.  If you add stickers and boy bands, this would become a preteen girl's nirvana.  But on their own should give you an afternoon of little whining.  And also entertains 5 month old puppies if you don't mind the mess. (The first time we blew bubbles at Cheweverything Pants, she spent twenty minutes looking for them after they popped.  A fun time was had by all.)

 

Bubbles- three variations on a theme

1) 1/2 cup dishwashing soap (try Dawn or Joy), 2 cups water, 2 tsp sugar.

2)1/4 cup dishwashing liquid, 3/4 cup cold water, 5 drops glycerin

3)1/2 cup dishwashing liquid, 4 and 1/2 cups water, 4 tablespoons glycerin

It is said that these work best if left to sit overnight.  I have adhd and children so I wouldn't know about that.  I have heard legends of glow bubbles involving dumping the contents of a glow stick into the bubbles but others have tried it and said it did NOT work.  Anyone out there know of a way to accomplish glow bubbles please hit me up in the comments.  I would LOVE to give FP some of those for a summer night's memories.

 

Fairy Lanterns- a quick glitter craft.

You will need: a mason type jar with lid (any quart jar will work.), a couple of glow sticks, glitter.

At dusk works best. 

Simply crack the glow stick to activate, then cut open the stick and dump into the jar, add glitter, screw on lid and shake.  (The younger your kids, the more you look like Dumbledore. Savor that.)

 

Paint- diy liquid sidewalk chalk type paint

You will need:

Dishes or cups (one for each color) Or try a muffin tin perhaps...

For each color-

1/3 cup cornstarch

1/3 cup water

1-2 tablespoon washable paint OR several drops food coloring

Mix the cornstarch and water. Stir well.  Add paint or food coloring until desired color is achieved.  (Stir often as the cornstarch will settle)

 

Have fun. :)

For Goo on Father's Day

            I try to stay grateful and keep the positivity flowing. I really do.   But I am, by nature, more of a bitcher than a beatifier.  Every time I try, it just comes out sarcastic and everyone starts looking for the punchline.  I really don't know why.  (Why are you all sniggering?!?)  But, once in a while, it's probably good for my soul to try.  So this is for you Goo.

            So, Goo, thank you for the following:

1) Thank you for being one of those straight men who actually LIKE women.  I'm not talking about being attracted to women. I mean you like us. You like our company and naturally include us in the process of your day to day life.  It never occurs to you deny me or your daughters any opportunity for ANYTHING based on our gender.   You have never ever been threatened by the idea of woman having power or ability or control.  We have all noticed.  And it's a BIG deal to us.

2) Thank you for being secure enough in who you are to never be bothered by anyone else's eccentricities.  You have spent almost all of your adult life being surrounded by people who lose their minds with joy when the soap smells right.  Not every man would be willing to shower with rose or lilac soap. You don't blink an eye when your eldest insists that we evict spiders instead of killing them.  You let your youngest call you GOO.  In public.  And to the point where other grown ups don't even know your real name anymore.  

3) Thank you for being the yang to my yin.  I get it, nothing new here. It's supposed to work that way.  But you really do complement me.  You drive, reach the tall shelf, evict bugs with ease.  And you don't mind that I am better at the checkbook, picking furniture, organizing our day. It's nice to know that if I fill out the paperwork (so you don't have to set it on fire in the driveway) you'll field the phone calls.  (So I don't have to set THAT on fire in the driveway.)  And since relationships are often about negotiation, thanks for also thinking rock, paper, scissors is a perfectly fine negotiating tactic.           

4)Thank you for mistakenly thinking I was cool enough to not tell me you were a nerdy gamer until you found out I was even nerdier than you.  And thanks even more for being impressed by the fact that I know what "dex+brawl difficulty 6" means even if I can't remember that when it matters.

5) And most of all, by being all of the above, thank you for teaching your daughters that no matter who they are, a good man will respect them and treat them as equals.  Men of quality respect women's equality.  Strong men appreciate strong women.  Thanks for being Goo enough to teach our girls all that.

Whew... whatta week

            So we have a had a crazy week.  Not awful or horrible, just weird and wacky and busy. The batteries on our new(ish)  smoke detector died.  We know this because it went off at five am and scared the crap out of all of us. (What ever happened to those ones that just beep lightly when the battery was going?)  We had a gazillion appointments, nothing out of the ordinary, they just seemed to all coincide this week. An apple tree fell down between my house and my neighbors- no casualties in people or domiciles, thank heavens, but now we gotta figure that little chore out.   (Anyone with a chainsaw and ambition want some free wood? ) It's getting warm and so we had yard work and house work - routine things like dragging out the a/c for Feisty Pants's room and living room, really cleaning the grill, cleaning the dryer vent.  In a way it's weird to busy like normal people instead of hospital refugees. 

             But I am grateful, if a little tired. (Must the  highway construction near my house start with the machines at six am and if so, why can't I somehow get starbucks outta the deal??)  Hopefully we will have most of this stuff out of the way by the time school ends- next week (AHHHHHHHHHH). My mother is in the hospital- she is seventy-seven and has the back of a ninety year old hummingbird, but I think she will get through this without losing her mind or spine.   That is one of my fears- how does anybody in the sandwich generation care for special needs loved ones when they encompass both ends of the age spectrum??  You would have to have the patience of a saint and the organizational skills of Martha Stewart on meth to accomplish anything.  Or enough money to hire out.  I'd better start buying lottery tickets. On the plus side, FP has informed us that she knows we are going to win the lottery and then take her "trabbeling"  to Maryland.   I have NO idea what is in Maryland, but what the hell, Feisty, I promise.  We win the lottery and we will trabbel to Maryland or the moon or wherever the heck you want.

            Oh, and thinking of very organized people, my sister in law, who is the exact opposite of anything I ever am (read that as patient and organized and quiet and tends to accomplish what she sets out to do) is starting a support group for special needs kids' parents in Tioga County (New York).  They meet at the Nichols Library on the second Wednesday of the month at 5:30 PM.   Interested?  Call Laurie Wightman of ECDC (at STIC) at 724-2111 extension 336 to register. Tell them Ronnette's nutty sister in law mentioned it. 

Sitcom

            Well now, we have had a slightly interesting morning.   Feisty Pants had some tummy issues this week which ended up causing her to miss two and a half days from school.  But she is good now, thanksforasking, and back up and raring to go.  However,  a couple or million days of worrying about her leaves her parents, well, a tad edgy.  So, when her father started banging on the living room wall and yelling about how we had to take her to the hospital RIGHT NOW,  I was instantly awake and in full adrenaline mode.   At 6 effing AM on a Sunday. Only to find out he was overeacting. 

            You see her g-tube had fallen out. (That's the tube that goes directly into her stomach through which she is fed.) Goo went to give her her morning meds and found it lying in her bed next to her.  Well, half of it .  And got a little panicky thinking the rest of it must be in her tummy.   Did I mention Goo is 6' 3" and built like a middle aged linebacker?  (Seriously, think Dan to my Rosanne.)   So when he starts yelling and pounding to get your attention, it's like a blitzkrieg.  Especially at 6 effing am on a quiet Sunday morning.  In his defense, this is a man who has done cpr on his youngest daughter at least six times.  That's at least six more times than any human being should ever have to do. In my defense, when he starts yelling and waking me, I panic a bit too.  And I'm panicking whilst doing special needs child health care physics in my head.  ("The hospital we prefer does NOT usually stock her size g-tube so we go the other hospital but what if they want to keep her so we go to hospital number one but what if they want to ship her out in case this means abdominal surgery but insurance is a pain so where would they ship right now oh god does this mean new york city I'll sue if it they try to ship her where I won't go. Do we take the stroller or the wheelchair? Where's our med list for her?  Where the hell are my clean pants?etc. etc. etc.")

             But, thank the stars above for whatever celestial being is tasked with dealing with folks like us, because in he midst of all this two things struck me.  One, I have a clean unused g-tube in the house.  Don't even ask how I managed to scrounge that one.  (It involves a hospital stay and lack of feeding adapters which just so happen come with a new tube.)  And we both thought to look for the rest of the old tube.  Which we found.  In her bed in pieces.  With little puppy teeth marks all over it.   It had fallen out and been found first by some other member of the family.  So pop the new tube in... (That takes all of about a minute) Crisis averted.  Gather our wits.  Catch our breath.  But now it's 7 am on a Sunday and I am oh so effing wide awake.

             So, what I really want to know is this.  In this sit-com of endless wonder that seems to be the universe, when did we get picked for the wacky neighbors role?

Father's Day, take three

         Silly me, I was sweating a little thinking I wouldn't find any good equivalent of the Dad version of diy bath and body gifts.  I'm very happy to say the interwebs have not let me down.   (Thank you, Universe.)  So, to that end , here are three more crafty gifts for your Goo.   After all those fun mom gifts, it's only fair that he gets to smell nice too.

 

1)Bay Rum Aftershave- a nice classic dad gift in a classic dad scent.

You will need:

2 small glass jars

some coffee filters

4 oz vodka

2 Tbs Jamaican rum

2 dried bay leaves (hit the health food store instead of the grocery for this. You want scent, not soup.)

1/4 tsp allspice

1 cinnamon stick- in pieces 

zest of a small orange

 Combine all ingredients in a glass jar and store in a cool, dark place for a few weeks. (Not in the fridge- you want cool, not cold.) Strain the mixture through the coffee filters.  Place into second jar and gift away.

 

2)Peppermint/Lemon Foot Soak-  What dad doesn't occasionally need to soak his sore tootsies?  What mom wouldn't love it if said soak made those tootsies smell better, too??

You will need:

1 cup sea (or kosher) salt

1 cup Epsom salts

2 TBS dried peppermint tea

1 TBS peppermint extract

1 TBS lemon extract(You could substitute orange or grapefruit extract, if you wanted)

1 tsp olive oil

1 tsp cornstarch

1 tsp baking soda

glass jar

Mix the salts together.  Add  the liquid ingredients.  Stir well, breaking up any lumps.  Mix in the cornstarch and baking soda.  Stir in the dried peppermint.  Store in a glass jar.  To use add 1/4  to 1/2 cup to basin of hot water and soak those sore toes.

 

3)Coffee Sugar Scrub-  This will get your Goo going in the morning.  It's great for your skin and even said to help break up cellulite (in case you wanna make some extra for yourself while the kid's make some for dad.)

You will need:

Glass jar

1 cup coffee grounds (either fresh or you can even recycle the stuff from you coffeemaker.  Just dry it thoroughly first)

1/2 cup sugar (white or brown)

1 cup coconut oil or olive oil(evoo)

Mix and place in jar.  To use- after washing hair and body, massage into skin and rinse off.

 

So there you go.  Easy diy bath and body gifts that won't smell too girly for him at all.  Happy Father's Day to all the Goos out there.

 

 

Father's Day, take two

     If the treats from last time were not enough, or just not your thing, here are a few different gifts you and the kids could have fun making.  They are relatively simple and inexpensive.   They are also effing adorable.  Trust me.

        

1 ) Mug O' Beer- This is cute and fun.  Not to mention extremely easy.  And Dad can share this mug with the kids without a visit from those pesky people at Child Protective Services.  (This one can also work for any grad or as a gift for any guy who likes the occasional pint)

You will need:

One beer mug (I usually find them at a dollar store, but your local megamart would work too)

Butterscotch disc candies. (Or any yellow disc candy)

Marshmallows.

Simply fill the mug 2/3 full of the disc candies and top with marshmallows.

 

 

2)Thank You Jar-  Hippie Pants has made several of these over the years.  They are always charming. (Thanks for the idea Hippie Pants!) And since guys are more sentimental than women, your Goo will love it.

You will need:

One mason jar (with lid)

Paper, pen, marker, crayons, etc.

Simply take small pieces of paper and have the kids write/draw something about the recipient that they are grateful for. (Thanks for playing catch. Thanks for the hug. etc.)  Roll into scroll shape (You can tie with string if you want to be fancy) Place in jar.  Add a cute label with intructions like "Read one each morning"  "Open one before bed."

 

3) Reusable coffee holder.- I don't know about you, but around here coffee is currency.  Or heroin, depending on how you look at it.  Anything to do with coffee is a fun gift.

You will need:

One cardboard mug holder (swipe one Starbucks or wherever you get your fix)

Piece of cloth- felt is great for this but, really, any thick piece will do.

Sharpie markers or fabric paint/pens.

Fabric glue (or gorilla glue) (OR thread and needle if you are particular)

Simply open the cardboard into a flat piece and use as a pattern to cut out the fabric the right size.  Have the kids decorate with markers (or paint)  Glue (or sew) the ends together and voila.

 

See, easy peasy and the kids will be all proud of themselves.  You won't just be making gifts, you'll be making memories.