For the Birds

                  "So, what you do today, Mik?"  A friend called and asked me that.  The answer was, "Taught my kid how to properly flip someone the bird. What did you do today?" Funny, she did not seem surprised. 'Cause I'm an awesome parent, that way.  Actually, there is a reason or two.  One, I was trying to give Feisty Pants a motive for trying to isolate her fingers one at a time. (FP was a full term baby- full term kids with cp tend to have more control over their legs than their hands. Preemies are the opposite.) Two, it made her laugh hysterically and stop crying for five seconds.  (She has not been sleeping well and is very cranky.)  Go ahead, give me a more obvious reason for raising just your middle finger.  I'll wait.  High tea only works for pinkies.  And the lesson came with a lecture of when NOT to do it. If you make someone feel bad with it, you are being a bully.  Feisty Pants has definite thoughts on where she stands with bullying.  And I have definite thoughts on where I stand with getting my kid any independence.  If I gotta motivate her with swear words or bribe her or allow her to flip the bird, so be it.  You can call it a lack of scruples or manners, I call it knowing what motivates my kid.  And while I do expect her to have good manners, manners are supposed to be about acting in a decent and kindly way towards your fellow human beings. I could give a rat's fanny about them when they are used for mindless conformity. Then the manners become the weapon of the bully.  And someone should be getting the bird.

                        So we spent the afternoon flipping off the fish and the cat and the tv.  None of whom seemed to care.  (Feisty Pants did check to make sure the cat's feelings weren't hurt. I am glad to report that they weren't.)  No fear, she still doesn't have it down pat yet. I don't think I'll get any bad reports from school.  FP is accompanied by a nurse at school, so we will warn her anyway.  And the rest of you can all lighten up if I have offended you.  Once you have a kid like FP, and survive with any sanity (dignity flew away long ago) intact, you learn to take a second look at what is truly important to you.  I care that she is healthy and happy and independent.  I care that when she goes to school she LEARNS.  I care that she cares about being a decent, moral, kind person.  I do not care is she comes home covered in glitter with paint in her hair. Or if her socks match. Or says a few choice words in public.  If you are ever expecting one those sweet, clean cut, soft spoken children I have heard legends of, I can assure you will not find them coming out of this house. Don't get me wrong.  My girls are awesome and kind and funny and cool in ways I can only wish to ever be.  But I am not capable of raising shy, demure, shrinking violets.  No way I would ever want to.  Good thing too, because it's just not in our dna.   We are much more Dan and Rosanne than Ozzie and Harriet around here.  I guess if we really offend you, you can always just flip us off.