The Happy Dead (of Winter)

             So,  here it is the dead of winter.  This actually my favorite time of year.  Seriously, I hate the heat.  Snow is really my thing.  And the fact that Feisty Pants breathes so much better when it's cold only reinforces this for me.   We also have week off from school.  Which we learned the hard way.  Not kidding,  I was discussing Monday being President's Day with FP's nurse and casually remarked, "So we will see you on Tuesday then."  Her reply was, "No, why would you do that?"  Yup, we are so organized and on top of things.  I am so glad I found out BEFORE Tuesday. Or we would have had Feisty Pants all dressed and ready to go to school and been sitting around wondering where everybody was. While Feisty Pants laughed at us. Again.  (Not even the dumbest thing I did last week, either.)

              Ahhh, well.  Perhaps we will catch up some sleep.  Before I have to beat Goo to death with a stick (because I love him, you see.)  And maybe catch up some household chores.  And hopefully NOT bore Feisty Pants to death.  I have a few ideas to try (found a new recipe for ice cream that uses snow, picked up some chalkboard paint....)  so maybe this will be a nice week after all. 

            Feisty Pants for her part is definitely up to something.  I am just not sure what that something is.  So far today she has told her father that we "need a cannon" -for our backyard apparently. And then she asked for some pleather.  When we asked her why she needed pleather, she said ,"Don't worry about that."  Now I am most certainly worried about that.   I just wish I knew what "that" was.  Pirate?  Revolutionary? Supervillain?  The mind boggles.  I guess I can take comfort in the fact that she will have harmed no cows in her plot.   Priorities matter, after all.
              So, if you are having a quiet week with your feisty one and need an idea to keep them from plotting to take over the world, here is the recipe for snow ice cream.  We haven't gotten to it yet so I cannot tell you how good or bad it is.  But anything involving snow, cream and vanilla cannot be all bad. And anything involving chocolate and snow is, by definition, awesome sauce.  Enjoy!

Snow Ice Cream

Vanilla-
1 gallon (or just a BIG bowl) of fresh snow (do I have to say not the yellow kind?!?)
1  cup sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1 cup cream and/or milk
Mix, eat.

 Chocolate-

1 gallon (or just a big bowl) of fresh snow
1 cup sugar
1 cup chocolate milk
Mix, eat

 

 

V-day, take two

             Originally, I wanted to make this a three part-er for this Valentines Day.  No reason really, I just like threes.  But another snow day and a nasty abscessed tooth (thanks Universe!) have apparently meant this is supposed to be only two posts of ideas.   Luckily, they are truly genius ideas so that makes it okay that I was kind of lazy this week.  (What? I couldn't hear you with my fingers stuck in my ears.  I am just going to assume you agree.)  Besides, these next three ideas are really clever and cute.  They don't even have to be just for Valentines Day, either. 

            For any of the next three crafts, you will need some chalkboard paint, tape, and, of course, chalk.  

1) Heartfelt Mugs-  Pick a large plain mug from a dollar store (or yard sale, thrift shop or the like).  A pair might be even cuter.   Wrap a piece of masking tape about 2/3 way up to the top of the cup.  Paint  bottom under the tape with two coats chalkboard paint and let dry.  When dry, remove tape and use chalk to draw hearts, faces, or even a cute quote about love.  (Handwash these instead of putting in dishwasher)  The best part about these is you can go back later and draw other things like a b-day message, or good morning and truly look thoughtful and sweet later.

 2) Candy jars- grab some wide mouth mason jars (with lids) or, if  you can find them, those cute farm house jars with the apothecary lids.  Cut a heart shape (or any shape really) out of scrap paper and affix to jar with tape.  Paint with two coats chalkboard paint.  Remove paper shape when dry.  Fill with colorful candy, add a cute note on the jar with chalk,  and voila, instant sweet charm.  I would suggest conversation hearts or m and m's. Or sixlets. Or skittles.  Or mini marshmallows.  But you get the gist.

3) Family (or office) message board- You will need a cookie sheet, about 24 inches of ribbon and two washers. Simply buy a cheap cookie sheet.  Or find an old one. Drill a hole into two of the corners (not diagonally) or pop holes with a nail and hammer.  Then paint with (you guessed it) two coats chalkboard paint.  When dry,  attach one the washers to the ribbon, run ribbon out through one hole and back into the other hole and attach the other washer.  This will work as the hanger.  Simply use the bottom lip of the cookie sheet as a ledge for chalk.  As handy as a dry erase board but a lot nicer to look at.   Again, the best way to give this is with some lovely quote or saying drawn right onto it when giving.

                So, there you go.  Happy Valentines Day.  May your day be as sweet and charming as all those candy ads claim it is.

 

V-day, take one.

        Since next week is a national holiday, oh and Valentine's Day (What?  You mean my birthday is NOT a national holiday?  That's a travesty.  Somebody get on that.) I thought I would post some more ideas for cheap and cheerful diy type gifts.  They are my favorites.  Nothing is ever quite so thoughtful as someone sitting down and making something just for you.  And by the way, dads out there, in case no one ever told you, doing a craft with your kid is worth double points.  You are spending serious quality time with junior AND you look good to your significant others whilst doing so.  And it's fun.  So everybody wins.  You're welcome.

        So, to that end, I've decided to start with three quick mason jar crafts.   You will need a mason jar, a ribbon, and a pretty label.  (Either make one on the computer- free templates abound out there on the interwebs or have the kids draw it).  Simply fill with one of the drink mixes to follow, add the label with instructions, tie with ribbon and practice best charming smile.   Easy Peasy.

    

Mason Jar Hot Cocoa Mix-(should make enough for three 16oz jars)
2 cups powdered milk
2 cups powdered sugar
1 cup cocoa powder
1 cup powdered creamer (plain or hazelnut)
1 tsp cornstarch
optional- mini marshmallows
Stir all ingredients except marshmallows in a large bowl.  Fill jars, top with marshmallows.
Instructions:  Mix 1/4 cup of cocoa mix to hot water or milk and stir.

 

Mason Jar White Hot Chocolate Mix-(one 16 oz jar)

2 cups grated white chocolate (I bet you could substitute white chocolate chips)
1 3oz package white chocolate pudding mix
2 tsp vanilla powder
Mix well, fill jar.
Instructions- add 1/4 cup mix to 1 and 1/2 cups hot milk. Stir well. Makes two servings

 

Mason Jar Chai Tea mix -(makes three 16oz jars)

1 cup powdered milk
2 cups non dairy powdered creamer (plain)
2 tsp vanilla powder
2 and1/2 cups sugar
1 and 1/2 cups unsweetened instant tea
2 tsp ground cinnamon
2 tsp ground ginger
1 tsp ground cloves
1 tsp cardamom
Mix VERY well, fill jars
Instructions:  Add two heaping tablespoons to mug of boiling water. Stir well.

 Note- if you cannot find vanilla powder, simply mix an equal amount of vanilla extract (in these recipes two teaspoons) into one of the dry ingredients (the sugar is probably best) and mix until mostly dry.

 

 

 

 

 

Groundhogs Day

            Ok, so now Hippie Pants has decided that it is not fair for her sister to have all the fun.  So she has come down with the flu and, because secondary infections are kind of our thing, pneumonia. In fact, most of her household (roommates, friends, etc.) have come down with the flu.  And Hippie Pants had her flu shot too.  Of course with the rates of efficacy  this year, I am not truly surprised.  Just worried.

            So if you need Feisty Pants or I, we will be under the bed, coated in Purell, pretending to be groundhogs.  Or maybe we will just hide in the fort she has decided we need to build in our living room.  To be honest, if I thought it would help, I would turn the whole house into one big blanket fort.  I am already scoping out foil hat designs, you know, just in case.  We definitely WON'T be at Disneyland.   That is apparently ground zero for the Zombie Apocalypse.  Really, people, vaccinate your kids.  What you are saying when you don't is that the idea that there could be a health threat that would MAYBE, POSSIBLY  affect your kid's life is worth some one else's, say, MY kid's LIKELY death due to measles or pertussis. Or that your child dying of measles or diphtheria or pertussis is better than living with autism. Forgive me if I find that possibly offensive. Make no mistake, these illnesses are dangerous.  People die from them. That's why vaccines were invented. If it makes you feel better, for the record, I took my kid (you know, the one with the brain injury and therefore an already compromised neurological profile) to a neurologist when she was just tiny and asked specifically about vaccines and neurological risk.  His advice was to give the T-dap (tetanus, diphtheria and pertussis)  shot in separate doses instead of combined and give the pertussis one month later than the other two.  He also said not to worry about the mmr (measles, mumps, rubella) at all.  If you are worried, try that. (If you are really worried, take a look at all the pesticides we feed our little ones on a daily basis and decide which is the bigger threat, just saying.)

        You'll have to forgive me if I seem cranky, but every time I turn around someone is throwing up or coughing up blood (Hippie Pants split her throat coughing)or just quitting and doing a runner.  Sigh.   Even the big snow storm failed to make an appearance around here. And now even Goo is saying he feels "off".  Great.  If I poke my head out from under this bed and see my shadow, I just KNOW there will six more weeks of flu season.

Plagued

             Alright, Universe, WTF?!?  Seriously.  WHAT. THE. HELL.  Feisty Pants is finally back in school.  This was supposed to be her first full week back at school. (Full-ish, it was only a 4 day week, but I will take what I can get.)  She is still cooperating for now.  This honeymoon period won't last forever, you know, Universe.  Soon, she will simply revert back to her ever mischievous super-villain ways and spend her time subverting the system and every adult around her.  You know THAT.  So, why oh why, have given my child the plague AGAIN?  This is simply ridiculous.  She has had at least one tummy bug a month for about four months now.   Has Binghamton suddenly become the landlocked equivalent of a cruise ship?  Have we spawned a hell- mouth, Buffy style, and the demons around here are the demons of gastritis?  Knock it off already.  Geez o petes, Feisty Pants is still on anitibiotics from the last illness.  Seriously, you need a time out, Universe. No more tummy bugs for anyone until you learn to scatter them about more fairly.  Can't you go hit rich people who can afford a day off or Boko Harum or some fundy cult of extremists somewhere?

              Sigh.  At least she is still on antibiotics, so I am hopeful that this will be a minor bump in the road and not a precursor to another pneumonia.  But she is now, yet again, cranky, miserable, and stuck at home with the old farts who want to sadistically bore her to death.  Just ask her. FP will tell you all about how ebil we are.  And she can prove it- Goo made her put on pants this morning and she isn't even going anywhere.  Worst of all, we keep making her EAT when she obviously does not want/need to.   Forget the fact that its only pedialyte (sort of, I make my own- no artificial chemicals that way) and she hasn't thrown that up.  She is sure it will make her nauseous (even if it hasn't yet) and we are only doing to be mean.

             By the way, if you want or need to abuse your sick kiddos with homemade pedialyte (or everyone has the plague and no one wants to go to the store), here are three quick versions to tide you over until you get to the soup and crackers convalescing stage.

Version one- (I like this one but no flavorings are added, FP is tube fed after all.)

1 cup coconut water
1/8 to 1/4 tsp high quality sea salt.
mix well.
That's it- simple and easy peasy.

Version two-(slightly artificial but good for kids who need a flavoring or else they balk.)

1/2 cup hot water

3 and 1/2 cups cool water (or cooled ginger tea)

2 and 1/2 tablespoons sugar
1 tsp jello mix
1/2 tsp sea salt
Mix jello, salt, sugar into hot water until dissolved. Stir into cool water.  This can be kept in fridge for a few days.

Version three-

2 quarts water (again, you could add ginger tea to this)
2 1/2 tsp sugar
1/2 tsp sea salt
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup orange juice
Mix together and serve.  This also can kept in fridge for a few days.

Finally...

           Feisty Pants FINALLY made it back to school today. It has been over a month since she last was there. Sigh.  First she was very sick and in the  hospital.  Then she was on oxygen for five days after being sent home.  THEN there was Christmas vacation (and the annoying 24 hour tummy bug from hell)  Then the nurse quit on us, so I spent last week bitching and moaning to anyone who would listen to get that little fiasco solved.  THEN Feisty Pants, deciding that we were not truly receiving our fair share of things that are a pain in the tush, came down with a sinus infection.  So the poor kid has been stuck with Goo and I 24 hours a day for the past month. And during that whole time she only punched one nurse. (She did smack her twice. ) I am counting that as a win.  Hell, I haven't smacked anyone in the last month, so I want a frigging medal.

          Nothing for it, but back to the grind.   It was actually nice to be somewhat normal (well, normal for us anyway) today.  I managed to almost catch up on laundry.  The hubby almost managed some real sleep.  Hippie Pants has spent the last two weeks attending the trial of the man accused of killing her friend (and her boyfriend's relative) and it is almost over so maybe, just maybe, she, her friends, boyfriend. and his family can finally begin the arduous process of closure and healing. (Every time I felt sorry for myself this last month, I just looked next door and thought "wow, I'm a spoiled brat".)

          Feisty Pants, for her part, was thrilled to get the heck outta Boringville and was actually sweet and cooperative in school today.  I have no idea how long that will last but I will take what I can get. She will eventually get around to testing the nurse's resolve but I'm going to just happily accept whatever reprieve she gives me.  I am beginning to think I could work this angle. ("Straighten up, Feisty Pants , or I will ground you from school."  On second thought, no, she would just call my bluff.)

          Best of all, it's COLD.  Truly cold.  As in below freezing so no mildew cold.   So FP will have an easier time with her breathing.  And in turn, we will all get a little breathing space.  We will catch up errands and appointments.  Catch up with all those chores that we have let slide. Catch up on emails.  Catch up on missed therapies. Maybe just stop and catch our breath.  Finally. 

        

Monday, all day long

                  So, today was supposed to be a good day.  Feisty Pants was supposed to go back to school.  Between being sick and Christmas break, she has missed almost a month now. We seriously were counting the minutes.  Not in a "why is my kid a pain in the tush" way, but in a  "Good Lord, how much therapy is she missing" way. Her health and frankly, her future, depend on her therapies in no small way.  This was a Monday I was actually looking forward to.    So imagine my consternation when I find out ONE HOUR BEFORE HER BUS WAS SUPPOSED TO PICK HER UP, that we no longer have a nurse.   And I only found that out because someone violated policy and texted me to tell me.  And don't ask me, I won't fink.  Everyone is starting to play CYA and pretend they didn't know BUT they did.   (This is an endemic problem within the world of the disabled.  People get very wonky over the treatment of their loved ones and unfortunately every institutional response involves, in part, on clamping down on information which is absolutely INFURIATING and makes you all look like you cannot be trusted, ever.)  I know darn well they did, because when we tell the bus driver she wouldn't be going to school this am, someone remarked, "Why didn't Nursefinders (the name of the agency, yes I WILL name some names) call you two weeks ago?"  So the gossip mill already knew WHEN the agency knew.  Why didn't I????  Said agency is claiming they had no idea we were without a nurse, but I don't believe them.  They either didn't bother to tell me, or thought they would have a new nurse or were simply avoiding dealing with someone who was not going to be happy with them (me).  I also informed them that I don't want just any nurse and I am NOT happy.  They said they would call me right back.  That has not happened yet either.  I doubt it will. 

                  I now have to call two separate schools and bitch at them.  One, our home district, and say "WTF, people?" Because if they knew, I want heads to roll for not informing me and if they did not know (possible, if not likely) I want this to bounce back upon the nursing agency.  I want accountability.  Things fester in the dark.  That's exactly why there is so much paperwork involved in the care and education of the disabled. If you all don't want to drown in paperwork, then you need to be HONEST even when it's difficult, hell, especially when it's difficult.  If you cannot be aboveboard at all times, then you should have to drown in the paperwork.

                  Then I have to call the school she attends and say"NOW what do we do?!?".  I assume they will probably be more helpful.  It's not their legal responsibilty to provide the nurse so, they can be a little more relaxed about the whole process  (read that as they are not ones possibly getting sued if I really throw a temper tantrum and lawyer up because a "Free and Appropriate Public Education" is indeed a legal right for my child) and will probably give me an honest opinion and some good off the record advice. 
                    But before I do that, I am going to call my child's service coordinator (that's the social worker) and see what advice she can provide.  And she is not in her office for another half an hour.  Poor woman, it's not even nine am, school has hardly gotten back into session and she is going to have to talk some parent out of a bell tower.  They really don't pay her enough.  Hell, I would be blowing up her cell with texts, but for the fact that somehow my computer has eaten her contact info.  (I am guessing the Universe didn't want her to deal with me before coffee.)
                     So, here I sit.  Waiting.  Writing this, so I have a record of what has transpired so far, in case I do have get officially nasty on people. Trying to recapture some moment of zen and failing.  Listening to Feisty Pants complain that Dr. Who is not on and why can't she see her friends, anyway?  It will more than likely work itself out.  No one really wants to violate my kid's civil rights.  And I am a major pain the ass when necessary. But, why oh why, did the Universe want to spring this me now?  I have no bail fund...  It's gonna be Monday all day long.