Sh*t special needs moms say

        The great saint Erma of Bombeck once defined mother tongue as the only one that ever has to say, "Did you flush?" Since she and the Blessed Mother Rosanne are two of my favorite holy women, I thought I would make this post about all crazy, funny stuff I never thought I would say (or overhear) I hope this garners a few laughs and not phone calls to CPS. 

1) "If you pull that out of your shin, the doctor will just have pull out his drill and put another hole in your shinbone." (Said with a really exasperated tone.) Didn't work, she pulled out the IO anyway. Doctor did, indeed, pull out the drill again.

2) "Please stop trying to feed your g-tube to the dog."  The sad thing is, I have this sentence on repeat in my playlist. 

3)"Sweetie, can you go get me your sister's k-y jelly out of the medicine chest? Can you hurry? " In a million years, I'd have never thought I would say that once. EVER. Now I have said it about a hundred times. (See above.)  It's what we use to put her g-tube back in when Feisty Pants yanks it out.  You should see the looks on the faces of people over that one.

4)"Did you just say motherf@##=¥?  I'll give you a hundred bucks to say that to your speech therapist! "  Not sorry. No regrets on this one.

5) "Please don't punch the dentist this time. You know it upsets him."  This one wasn't me. I'm fine if Feisty Pants ONLY punches him.

6)"OH DEAR GOD WHAT HAVE YOU HEARD?!?" Said to me by another mom whose feisty one ran up and introduced herself as one of FP'S friends. Upon hearing her name, I mentioned that I had heard about her.

7)"Listen, it's fine if you don't want to wear your underwear, but you will not wear it for a hat."  Again, this one was not me. I overheard it in a locker room after aquatherapy.  And I'd probably let her wear it as a hat.

8)"Nahhhh, but my sister's got a femur of titanium."  This was said to me not by a mom but by a special needs kid.  His mom (who had two kids with brittle bone disease.) and I were chatting about holidays missed due to hospitalizations. This was his response when I told the mom she must have an iron spine.

9)"For a doctor, you're an idiot."  I overheard this one in a pediatric ER.  I am not sure what prompted it, but that mom is my hero.

 

So, what's the funniest thing you've ever heard come out of your mouth?