Birthday House Rules

           Feisty Pants' birthday was today.  She turned 14.  Ruled the school.  Had a blast with Facebook messages.  Sailed through her bday dinner like a Roman emperor. ( In her honor, we made Cheweverything Pants a senator.) 

            So, since Feisty Pants totally slayed the day, I humbly present her rules for complete birthday domination.  You're welcome.

1) Know that you're cute.  Even if you're not. I don't care if you look like a rooster or Frankenstein or something from the Walking Dead.  It's your day so you're automatically more beautiful than all those non birthday having mortals. Own it. Wear your favorite birthday outfit.  Dress for the job you really want. Wanna be Batman or a unicorn?  Do it.  Feisty Pants chose a hello kitty tee, a tiara, and a screaming pink sash that proclaimed her the "birthday princess".

2) Be gracious. Kindly and humbly accept all the praise and adulation that is due you.  Of course those aforementioned mortals should be heaping good wishes, presents, and songs of praise upon you, but a good thank you and a nice smile will make sure they keep coming next year.   All it really takes is just a little kindness to keep your minions happy.

3) Do your homework in a timely fashion. Want dinosaur poop for your birthday? Make sure the gifter knows well enough in advance to order it from the museum store in time.  Want your boyfriend to get the perfect card for you?  Give his mom the right hints and you too can get a hello kitty card that perfectly matches your outfit.  Want special cupcakes with special icing? Throw that fit right before your mom goes to the store. Timing is everything.  Be prepared.

4) Last but not least, don't forget to have fun.  Throw the party. Have cupcakes AND a cake. Eat a giant piece of cake.  Split the cake with the dog.  Wear your new tiara.  And when the party is finally over, curl up with the dog on the couch and see who can happily snore and/or fart the loudest. (Hint, Senator Cheweverything Pants will win.) 

           There you go.  How to rule the birthday kingdom like the benevolent despot you were born to be.  Have fun and don't forget to keep your tiara on at slightly rakish angle.  It's cuter that way.