The Birthday Checklist

              Okies, it's Feisty Pants' birthday tomorrow so let's make sure we got all our ducks in a row, shall we?

1) A close relative with an awful and contagious virus sure to keep EVERYBODY on their toes.

    Check! (actually we have two, no point in screwing around here.)

 2) Two children, ages two and under, who should be NOT contagious but preferably still really cranky by birthday dinner.

   Check! (see above)

 3) One Feisty Pants who, while not sick, is just slightly under the weather so we don't know if  it's allergies, or pms, or brewing an illness, or hell, just fed up with old farts who oh so obviously have no understanding of adolescence or the world or boys or fun or anything

       Check. Check check checkcheckcheck!!!

 4) Three dozen bizarre, free form, hippie cupcakes because mom has no muffin tins and is so unreasonable about making a Texas sheet cake for dinner for 6 because she's cheap so she had damn well better make those cupcakes!

      Check!

 5)Three dozen cupcake papers, half of which will say trick or treat, and the first person who bitches gets to wear a cupcake shaped unicorn horn.

       Check!

 6) Two containers of cream cheese frosting because that homemade crap Mom slaves over is gross and icky and she only makes it to annoy Feisty Pants with her cheap, inferior, homemade imitations.

      Check!

7) Two annoying last minute doctors appointments that are necessary but oh so inconvenient.  One needs to preferably involve big ass needles that mom does not like.

     Check! (and a giggle from Feisty Pants who thinks it's swell that someone else got poked for a change.)

8) What seems like a gazillion presents to wrap and will take Feisty Pants approximately a minute and half flat to unwrap and smile at and then get bored and want to watch tv.

     Check!

9) One thirteen year old girl who giggles and kvetches and makes us crazy but who was prophesied to not make it out of infancy, then not to be "in there", and then about a million other dire predictions that were total bullshit and so every birthday is a damn triumph and worth all the other hassles combined and multiplied a billion times over.  CHECK!

Happy Birthday, Feisty Pants!