I guess I can't bitch ALL the time.

Ok, so if I am going to write a blog, (If I am going to blog? Is it a noun or a verb, or what? anywhooo) it shouldn't just all be me bitching about of everything that annoys me.  Even if that does give me enough material to write for several EONS. So in order to somehow mitigate my natural proclivities I have decided to write at least once in while about things I am grateful for.

So, THANK YOU:

         Thank you, every ER nurse, respiratory tech, paramedic, fireman, and police officer who has in some way saved my very soul by saving my youngest child's life.   You are amazing human beings- the faceless angels who appeared  when my daughter had trouble - or simply was not- breathing.  You showed up at 3am with oxygen tanks and cpr skills and scary but awesome pieces of medical equipment and made my world a livable place all over again.  I can never remember your names and half the time your faces- I am too busy freaking out inside my own head.  But I know you are there and what your very presence means to my kid's chances. 

           And, to that end thank you to the drivers who took us to hospitals while the paramedics worked in the back.  And the engineers who made the equipment in the first place. And the cops who gave us a police escort when an out of state ambulance got lost in Philadelphia (and then gave me their card and said "call us if we can help with anything." )  And medical helicopter teams who showed up like action heroes and whisked away my kid to better care than I could give and looked me straight in the eye and said "it's ok. We're good at this. Its the best thing" so I could breathe. And the nurse who sat on the FLOOR of the hospital ER to get the IV going in my kid's foot while she attempted to kick you in the head as I held her in my lap.  And the respiratory therapist who literally held  my then 10 month old baby's life in his hands and squeezed the ambubag for 4 hours refusing offers of assistance until his hands cramped too badly to continue because the ambulance team from Rochester was held up in a snowstorm and there was no pediatric ventilator to do the job.

            Thank you to doctors who spend ten to twelve years of their life busting their asses to end up looking me in the eye and saying "I gotta be honest. I'm not sure here but we are going to try to figure this out together."  When you put your honesty and search for answers ahead of your ego, I know we are all halfway to the right answer.

           Thank you to NICU nurses who spent six weeks being a better mom than I could be at the time to my incredibly strong and incredibly fragile child while we all sat around and held our breath to see if she could even make it home just once. 

          Thank you to the social workers who work their fannies off trying to navigate the labyrinth that is trying to make sure these kids get the care they need while figuring out to pay for it and how to educate overwhelmed parents who have the attention span of hypercaffeinated 3 yr olds.      

          Thank you to PTs and OTs and SLPs and VIT's and MT's and teachers and teacher's aides and nurses (I am looking at you Jane and Mona) who get up every single day of their lives and bust their humps for not enough pay and NEVER enough respect to show Feisty Pants how to do things for herself. Usually while she is actively seeking to thwart you at every opportunity because all disabled kids really want is to control their own lives and HOW DARE YOU try to make them work so they can do that.

           And thank you to all those people out there who never met and still have not met Feisty Pants but prayed for her anyway.  If you were asked to pray for a little kid named Amara and you did, you were probably praying for my kid.  Along the way, someone told me they had a good reason to believe there were at least 30,000 people praying for her once.  That's a frigging city.  And it did not matter one whit your religion or denomination. It helped, I am sure of it. Thanks.

           So there it is, my gratitude list for the week (Month? I haven't decided yet)  There are a lot of people missing. Friends, family. People I can't think of at the moment They deserve(and frankly, should get better because I remember their names. Most of the time) a more personal thanks.  Maybe one day we will figure out a way to pay the universe back.  In the meanwhile, do me a favor. If you have ever done a good thing for a kid -especially a disabled kid - tonight as you get ready for bed, look yourself right in the eye in the bathroom mirror and say, "I make a difference in this world and I really matter." Please, for me and Feisty Pants.