Muckuary

                   Sigh... So now that the snow is melting it's becoming a wonderful time of year.  As my friend Celtic Pants puts it, it's now Muckuary.   You know, that fun time of year between winter's icy beauty and spring's  Vivaldiesque lush awakening.  Everything is gray and muddy and best of all, coated in mildew.  I actually like the gray and the rain.  (I prefer the term unique to weird, thank you.) But the mildew is not a friend to Feisty Pants. She wheezes and sneezes and we end up sitting around watching and waiting for her to get sick.

                        In fact, if you are the parent of a special needs child, that is something that will forever feel like a huge gulf between you and the rest of the parents in the world.  Hyper-vigilence.  Once you been through a few crises with your feisty one, whether medical or emotional or whatever differentiates your kid, you will always be on the look out for it.  Its never quite as bad or as big a gulf between us and them as it feels like.  But, boy does it sure feel like it.  I've heard it its same with social workers too.  No wonder they have so much burn out.  As a parent, I at least have the right to ignore somebody else's rules. I am the mommy after all. 

                      And, so because it is Muckuary, directly on cue, Feisty Pants came home from school, wheezing and sneezing and coughing all over the place.  She's not sick, just snotty and uncomfortable.   But we have spent so many springs in the hospital that her father and I go into worry overdrive. We'll jump at every cough (she does not swallow properly so she coughs a lot), instantly alert at every snneeze, wake for every noise that could mean trouble or wheezing.  It's the same for other feisty kids' parents too.  Their cues maybe different (Is that a stutter or a seizure?  Is that a frown or a meltdown about to start?) but the concern is the same.The ever present worry monster has moved in with you and is here to stay.  You really have to learn to adapt and cut him down to size.  Don't feed it too much and eventually you will see it as less significant.  Don't pay too much attention to it and eventually everyone else will lighten up too. Eventually, Muckuary (or the stressor or the whatever illness is going around) will pass and the sun will return.  You will finally figure out what is a big bad crisis and what's just a minor pain in the tush.  Just breathe and reboot and don't beat yourself up too badly for a few overzealous moments.  Your Muckuary will not last forever.