Bullies

                Sigh... I was reading about those horrible letters given to disabled people in Washington (Oregon?) where it was implied that the disabled people were moochers and somehow ought to be judged by their neighbors to see if they were deemed worthy of the label.  And now I would like to have a conversation about bullies.  I don't just mean your run of the mill give me your lunch money kind.  I mean the otherwise normal people who don't seem to be complete jerk offs until the second they feel threatened.  Which is usually how they feel A LOT.  I've been thinking about why there seems to be so much of this awfulness lately. I am sure part of that is simply that we are becoming more cognizant of the problem.  We are discussing it and therefore we notice it more.  Some, of it is all the things we are thinking of like the anonymity of the comment section of websites.  Some of it is grumpy old upper middle class white guy anger at the fact that they are aging and the fact  that racism and sexism, while still pervasive and awful, are simply less fashionable.  (It must be hard to live in a world where it no longer automatically means you get a head start on everybody else because you're male, white, and belong to the local version of the right religion) And I am personally convinced there is bully muscle in your brain- the more exercise it gets, the bigger and stronger it is.

                 We are at least beginning to deal with the issue of bullying. But so far it's been mostly "what to do about it when it happens in school" conversation with our kids.  That's great, but I don't think it's enough.  I worry we are not having the right conversation yet.  We need to be talking about power  because that is what bullying really is all about.  When some people don't feel powerful, they act like bullies in attempt to gain some. And, lots of times, it works.  Its a cheap and easy form of psychological power, like junk food for the mind.  But it's still power.  And just like junk food it so terribly bad for everyone.  It warps our minds and souls the way junk food warps our bodies.

                   None of what I just wrote is new. Not one word. So why all of sudden do we seem to have forgotten that?  Is the anonymity of the net that allowed people to turn into trolls online now spreading to real life?  We have people completely demonizing the poor as if we are going run out of food tomorrow.People who claim the government we all pay for should not provide services. (Really??  What other function does it serve???  It's government's only purpose. We all put in our dollar and the roads get paved.) We lionize successful sociopaths like Ayn Rand and Donald Trump but demonize teachers who work their tails off for our children and the cops and firemen who pull our tushies out of all sorts of trouble.  People who are armed to the teeth fear the idea that we might want to even question why they need to have enough ammo to blow up a small nation.  People who fear other religions so badly they want to police them.  Some of it is of course, self aggrandizement, if every one is out to get you, why gosh darn, you must be important.   Some of it is simple immaturity. They are psychological teenagers who do not like he fact that rules apply to them and if you want the autonomy of adulthood you have to take the responsibility too.  Mostly, I suspect, it is that for whatever reason they feel small and powerless and that feeling just pisses them off to no end.  My friend, Awesome Pants, says she suspects it is because we have forgotten how to feel shame at own behavior and how to use that do better instead of just to get a reality show gig.

                    In the end though, it doesn't matter.  What matters is what we do about it.  We need to use the internet to bring back our sense of community.  We need our institutions to serve all of us not just the rich and powerful.  We need to start rewarding useful people instead of pretty but empty people.  We need to recognize that EVERY child is a vast untapped pool of potential and as adults our responsibility is to learn to draw that out.We need to look our children in the eye and say "Yeah, its pretty messed up, but we're working on it. And you will too."  Because NOTHING beats feeling powerless like finding out you have the power to change something, anything for the better.