I'm Over(thinking) it

                If you are given a feisty one by the Universe to raise, you are gonna have to get used to constantly second guessing yourself.  Over weird sh*t too. There are decisions I have made in a split second and never regretted.  (Trach? No effing thank you    Shriner's? Yes, please.)  There are decisions I regret. (Why one earth did I wait until she was three to take her to CHOP?  Why, oh why, did it take me so long to find the right school placement for her?)  But the ones that make me crazy are the smaller ones with no clear cut right or wrong.  When I don't have the answer, it drives me nuts. And I do not know any parent of a special needs kid who doesn't have this happen.

               For example, Feisty Pants had a weird day on Friday.  She was drowsy all day. Her nurse texted me all day from school because she was worried.  The teacher and aide at school were concerned.  Her sat rates were good. No serious temp.. No obvious symptoms except for this tiredness. She fell asleep at five thirty in the afternoon. Then slept until seven thirty the next morning.  I thought she was getting sick perhaps and expected to get up Saturday morning and have to try to find a doctor who was in. I came downstairs that morning literally googling walk in pediatrics on my phone.   Only to find Feisty Pants bright eyed and bushy tailed like nothing ever happened.

               So what was it?  A virus?  Feisty Pants is pretty tough and has had a nissen procedure (a surgical procedure for GERD that makes it hard for her to throw up).  So was it a minor tummy bug?  Hormones? Her cycle is due so maybeeeeeee.  She is on a new seizure med that she only takes for one week out of month.  Could it have been that?  Hell, was it allergies?  The pollen levels are 1800% higher this year. Migraine? Her sister and father get them but she is so damn tough would she realize it wasn't a usual headache? (Don't make judgy comments either- she already lives with chronic pain and yet rarely complains.  I'm not making light of migraine pain but more trying to explain exactly how effing tough this kid is.) Or was it simply the ennui of being fifteen and bored with us all?  

               To be honest- in the end, does it matter? She woke up right as rain and raring to go.  Am I just borrowing trouble to worry over a minor bump in the road? Am I making myself crazy worrying over an illness that's not going to happen?  These are things that I will drive myself nuts over.  Cause, obviously I don't have enough things to worry about that I need to go borrow a cup of anxiety.

                Meanwhile, Feisty Pants is binging superhero movies and yelling "hells yeah!" when Hippie Pants told me I was boring.  Go figure.