Holy Water and Marshmallows

          So, today is one of THOSE days.  You know, the day where nothing fits and everything sucks and there is not enough chocolate in the western hemisphere to make up for it.   It started at three am with a text from a family friend who claims to be dying.  (Hint- she probably isn't.  She has some developmental issues and is likely just frightened by a chronic health condition.) But she was scared and deserved to be taken seriously even if it was 3 frigging a frigging m.

           And Feisty Pants, who cried for six effing hours last evening, turns out to have a sinus infection. So we have fourteen days of digestion bombing antibiotics to look forward to.  And my computer, which is on some days the only sane adult I get to speak to, has an infection of its own and works for about 60 seconds and then freezes for 90.  And will not be fixed until tomorrow at the earliest because Goo only works on it at night like some pixie computer cobbler.   And we spent all morning at the doctors only to come home to the great After St Valentine's Day Massacre in which several stuffed animals were mowed down in their prime in what I can only assume is a turf war between the dog and the new kitten.  And the (insert favorite expletive here) food pump is now behaving peculiarly so it took an hour to make it work this lunchtime.  (Electronics do NOT like me, seriously. Google the phrase  "Pauli Effect".  I have that.)  And precisely because we spent all morning swanning about the hospital, I did not have time for yoga, so I am really frigging relaxed and zen right now.  (Can't ya tell??) 

          Oh well, sigh, whatcha gonna do?   The friend needed reassurance. My kid is only on antibiotics and can go back to school tomorrow, so it's just a minor thing really.  We have at least a zoo's worth of stuffed animals. (I have given away hefty bags full of them. One just this week.) And Goo is actually a real live computer tech, so the damn machine will be fixed right. Eventually. And in the meanwhile, we will just have to put on our big girl panties and deal with it, secure in the knowledge that, somehow, we are burning off some bad karma and it will be replaced with good. Like great health for those we love or winning the lottery or something.  

           But in the meantime, if I spontaneously burst into flames, would someone please douse me with holy water or bring some of those amazing marshmallows with the coconut on them to toast?  You know, something yummy to go with watching the world burn.

Happy Valentine's Day

             So, Feisty Pants has a four day weekend this weekend.  It seems a little early for President's Day, but whatevs.   It's nice and cold (FINALLY) so we will just sleep in and enjoy it.  We did take her grocery shopping with us today.  She LOVES to shop - halfway.  Then she HATES to shop and wants EVERYBODY to know that we are simply torturing her.  Ahh welll, whatcha gonna do?   Today she was fine until we stopped looking at toys ( O. M. G. there are lego sets with ELVES in them!!!!) and chocolate.   Then the bitching commenced.  So I challenged her to a fist fight in the parking lot and asked Goo to hold my earrings.  Goo offered to take bets and gave three to one odds that she would kick my ass.   That seemed to freak out the people in the store and kept her laughing for at least three aisles. So I count this trip a success.  I just hope Child Protective Services has the same sense of humor Feisty Pants has. 

             Feisty Pants also did her last minute Valentine's Day shopping.  Her party for school was yesterday but we still have each other and I suppose we will have to be nice to each other or something.  She took her father down the candy aisle all by herself to pick things for people. The stuff we made is apparently "lame". In a moment of total generosity, she told Goo to "Go pick someting". So he picked Reeses and said, "Ooh, my favorite"  To which FP replied, "No, you don't want.  You want M's (m and m's)"  Goo said, "I do?"  Feisty Pants said,"Yup.  Better for you. You're welcome."  And that's how we now know Goo's favorite candy is M and M's. The fact that it is also Feisty Pants' favorite is completely coincidental.

               And so anywhooo, we wish you all a non-eventful Valentine's Day filled with M's and whatever weather you like. In case any of you are still not ready, here is one last easy peasy recipe.   It's yummy and crunchy and great for sitting around snacking on while watching the return of the Walking Dead  on Sunday because everybody knows nothing says romance like shuffling, rotting corpses on tv.  (No? Just us? Really?)

 

Confetti Popcorn-

   you will need- 6-8 cups popped popcorn (that's about two microwave bags)

                        Chocolate chips- dark and white (you can even get colored discs if want to be fancy)

                        Large bag M and M's 

                        2 cups peanuts

                        1 cup dried cranberries or raisins

     Place popcorn in large bowl. Add nuts, M and M's, cranberries, raisins.   Melt dark chocolate in microwave and drizzle over popcorn and stir.  Now do the same with the white chocolate.  Allow to cool.  You can place this in mason jars or cello bags if you want to make gifts or just haul the bowl into living room for feeding the zombie hordes at your house.

More things to do while waiting for Winter (it's like Godot)

                Game of Thrones be damned, I don't think winter is coming.  This 40 degrees whilst flirting back and forth with fifties and thirties is a bunch of fickle nonsense, thankyouverymuch.  (If I hear one more stupid weathermoron, um er, weatherman act like this is normal I shall scream. This is only supposed to be normal if you live BELOW the Mason-Dixon Line.)   This sucks and sets off Feisty Pants' mildew sensitivities makes us all nervous. Sigh...  We need chocolate stat.

                 So, since Jack Frost is snubbing us and Valentine's Day is this weekend, there is nothing to do for the non-winter doldrums except grab the kiddos and head to kitchen to cheer us all up.  Cooking is  the perfect family project if you ask me.  And, since you cannot hurt the tender little feelings of your kids, you are doing them a favor by eating what ever delicious cloaked in chocolate concoction they come up with.  (Who's a good parent? That's right, the chubby one with chocolate stains on their pj pants sitting by a happy kid.)

                  Since you are all such great parents who sacrifice so much for kids by eating it, here are three more easy peasy chocolate treats to while away a non winter afternoon.  (And if you see that darn groundhog who is calling for spring go by, kick him once for me...)

                            

Fruit Cones- This one has been making the rounds of FB and looks amazing.

You need chocolate, ice cream cones (any type), sliced fruit , fruit dip (see below)

 Melt chocolate in double boiler (or microwave) dip empty cone to coat.  When chocolate has set, fill with sliced fresh fruit. Serve with fruit dip.

 

Fruit Dip- 1 package cream cheese (or neufchatel) softened, 1 jar marshmallow fluff.

 Mix well.  Eat .

 

Hot Chocolate Ice Cream- you will need 1 can sweetened condensed milk, 3 oz half and half, two envelopes hot cocoa mix (or equivalent), cinnamon to taste, 1 pint heavy whipping cream.

Heat half and half in microwave until hot, stir in both envelopes cocoa.

Mix that into condensed milk in a freezer safe container.  Stir in (about a 1/2 tsp ) cinnamon.

Whip cream in separate bowl until very stiff peaks form.  Gently fold whipped cream into condensed milk. Freeze 6 hours or overnight.

 

Marshmallow Pops- you will need marshmallows (bigger ones look better but any work), pretzel rods, chocolate, sprinkles if you want to be all fancy.

Melt the chocolate.  Stick one or two (or, hell, be wild make it three) marshmallows on the end of a pretzel rod. Dip in melted chocolate.  Sprinkle with sprinkle or colored sugar if you must.  (You could be really fancy and roll in shredded coconut if you are ambitious.)  These look like more work than they are and taste fab.

 

Things to do in February while it does not snow

                 Soooo, it's February again.  I love this time of year.  It's wee little month usually packed with holidays and superbowls and three day weekends and my birthday (hint, hint, HINT, Goo) and best of all, snow.   Although this winter seems to be defective.  Honestly, has there been a recall yet or do I have to just demand my time and energy back on my own?  Anywhooooo.

                 But since it is indeed February, snow or no snow, I thought I would post some quick Valentine's Day gifts/birthday gifts/ look at me, I'm almost thirteen and have been spotted holding hands with a boy maybe I should get him something gifts. (That's right, Feisty Pants, I have eyes in the back of my head and a better spy network than MI6.)  And, to state the obvious again, dads out there, doing crafts with your kids to make gifts makes you look good TWICE. You're welcome.

                So to get you going for the holiday, here are three quick, charming crafts.  Just make sure to clean the kitchen when you're done. (HINT HINT HINT GOO)

Rose petal sugar-

                 you will need rose petals, sugar, a vanilla bean, and a mason jar (or, alternatively, heart shaped candy molds)

                 Rinse the rose petals very well and pat dry. Place vanilla bean in jar, layer petals and sugar.  Cover and allow to sit for about a week.  You can add a pretty ribbon and give as is or remove sugar and use candy molds to form hearts.  Rose sugar is great for teas or making a scrub or dusting candies and pastries.

Love you to pieces decoration-

               you will need popsicle sticks, string or pipe cleaner, puzzle pieces(we all have a puzzle with missing pieces), paint, marker

                Simply form a base of popsicle/craft sticks (like a miniature raft or table top) and glue together. When dry paint a solid color (anything but red.) Draw an out line of a heart and glue the puzzle pieces in the heart (you are NOT aiming for perfection here, but to be cute and charming) Paint the heart (and pieces) red.  Write "LOVE YOU TO PIECES!!" with marker. Add the string or pipe cleaner for a hanger.

Valentine's snow globe- (I gotta get some snow somehow...)

                   Jar with a lid, small love themed decoration (heart,figurine, whatevs -just has to fit in the jar) glitter, glue

                   Simply glue the bottom of the figurine to the inside of the lid.  Place a handful of glitter (or two) into the jar.  Screw the lid on and flip. Voila, charming and easy. You can add a ribbon to the lid if like but that's up to you.