Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Torn

                    You know, when you have a special needs child you spend your life torn.  Torn between anxiety and joy.  Torn between fear and hope.   Torn between wanting to wrap them in cotton wool and bubble wrap and protect them from the mean, ugly Universe and wanting to wrap the whole damn beautiful Universe up as a birthday present and hand it to them on a platter -pain, happiness, fear, hate, love, disappointment, exhilaration -all of it.   To be honest, you are like that with any child but a feisty one seems to up the intensity exponentially.
                     And, so today, I am really torn. To be more precise, Goo and I are now torn. One of Feisty Pants' pets has died.   He was a cat that we had found as a kitten under our back porch, starving and bedraggled, too neglected to run, too scared to come in.  Goo coaxed him in.  (The cat wouldn't come near me for weeks on account of my apparently being the Devil.)  When we took him to the vet for shots and neutering, she told us that he had developmental disabilities due to his neglect.  So I suppose his shortened life span (eight years) was nothing to sneeze at. Originally we were not going to keep him and looked to find him a good home, but Feisty Pants took a liking to him so he stayed put.  And now Goo has no idea what to tell her.  And he kind of doesn't want to tell her at all.  (Hell, he didn't even want to tell Hippie Pants and she's almost a real live grown up.) 
                      But this is where I differ.  I want Feisty Pants to have the whole damn world.  I want her to live and love and learn and share.  But sometimes living is messy.  And sometimes learning is hard.  And sometimes sharing seems difficult.  And sometimes loving means letting go or getting your feelings hurt.  And sometimes your beloved cat who knew how to rub his head just right against your hand and help you pet him goes and betrays you by dying.  And then I want to change my mind and wrap her up in cotton wool away from the Universe because maybe I am mean by expecting my children to ever face the world and we should all just give up and stay children in our blanket forts, coloring, for the rest of time.
                      Or maybe, the lesson pets teach us is that you never really know how long love -real, honest love for any fellow creature can last until they go away and you find you still love them and that is exquisitely beautiful in it's own way.   That love is caring and learning to let what you love grow and learn to dance away from you.  Maybe what is making me feel torn is knowing that I may need that lesson more than my feisty one.

                                  For Casper, wherever you are dancing, right now...

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Trekking the Himalayas

            So here we sit in an E.R. sigh..... And our day started our so normally.  Feisty Pants seemed fine as she went off to school.   But within an hour or so, the nurse had texted that she seemed warm.  Then within an hour of that she texted that FP was pale and her sat rates were dropping. So home she came.  I didn't think she looked toooo sick. But I called the pediatrician to get her seen to be sure.  When told about her symptoms, he requested we take her the E.R.  annnnndd off we went.
          Not that I am  totally opposed to this place.  It's a good place.  It was nice to see some people who have taken very good care of Feisty Pants in the past.  But everything  takes effing forever here.  And I had to wake Goo after three hours of sleep.  And dinner in a hospital is never exactly a fine dining experience.  (Note to entrepreneurs -you could make a mint with a food truck parked outside any hospital, anywhere.)
            But here we sit over 5 hours later. We are on the second shift of nurses. We had the x-rays.  Her lungs are clear.  Had the urine test.  That's clear too.  Had the blood work.  It does show a slight increase in her white blood cell count.  There's an illness in that little bundle of awesome somewhere.   So I am hopeful we will be sprung from this hoosgow soon.   It's just that it takes forever.  We really could have done this in a doctor's office.  I do realize that the doctor would rather be safe than sorry.  But oy why does anything medical take so long?  Feisty Pants passed feisty and has achieved bitchy pants about an hour ago. If it weren't for the free wifi, I would be bitchy too.
            So, now it has been seven hours.  We have escaped.  The final verdict was a virus and a bronchial spasm.  No biggie.  Just bring her home.  Give tylenol as necessary.  Up her asthma meds for the night.  Keep her home from school tomorrow and check in with her regular doc to see if he wants to change or add anything.  Not a biggie.  But seven hours of non stop bitching, some of even from Feisty Pants (Gives that look to Goo...) has me feeling like we trekked across the Himalayas.  Barefoot.  Uphill. Both ways.  


Tuesday, August 2, 2016

A Day in the Life

        Typical summer's day in Feisty Pants Land.  FP goes to school year round. So tonight's a school night.  Feisty Pants is watching Karate Kid because cute boys, duh.
She sees a commercial for the next movie (on immediately after), The Amazing Spiderman 2.
Feisty Pants: SPIDERMAN!!!
Goo:  Well, it's shower night so you have to take a shower.  Do you want to take it now before Spiderman comes on?
FP: NO
Goo:  Well then, do you want finish this movie then take your shower and miss the beginning of Spiderman?
FP: NO
Goo:Well. Sweetie, pick one. Either way is ok, but you have to pick one.
FP: NO. Watch Both.
Goo: Sweetie, you have to take a shower tonight before 8 (She gets fed at 8 which involves being hooked to a machine.)
FP: Karate!
Goo: Ok, then we will go after Karate Kid.
FP: NO!!!!! SPIDERMAN!!!!!!!!!!
Goo: (in best patient dad tone) You gotta pick one or the other.
FP: NO! BOTH! (emphasized with kick)
Goo:  I don't know what to tell you sweetie.
FP: NO! BOTH! wash hair morning.
Goo (thinking he's calling in reinforcements):  Well, you would have to ask your mom. I don't know....
FP: MOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM.  SPIDERMAN!!!!!!
Me (because eff it, it is summer...): I suppose it would be ok.
FP: (Big smile to her father ) WIN!
Goo: You don't win this.  How do you win this?

FP: SPIDERMAN!!!  and funny.
Goo: How is this funny?!?
FP:I WIN.